About an hour ago I sent a guy a first OkCupid message, and this is one of those times I feel like, if he doesn’t write back, he’s just screwing up the natural order of things.
Like, “Hi. You’re cute, and your profile pic is you with a Kermit on your shoulder. We have to at least be friends. Like, NOW. Write me back before some ‘Butterfly Effect’ shit happens.”
So, tonight I attended a gathering of female entrepreneurs, and someone flagged my negative self-talk and offered me an affirmation card.
OK, shut up, assholes — I rolled my eyes, too. BUT. Picking a card at random, check out this prescient motherfucker right here.
I’m about to pay for EXTRA therapy for my past nonsense, but this card’s all, “Naw, girl, I got you.”
On the bright side, I’m no longer self-conscious about being white trash. I am classy as fuck, y’all.
So, hey, here’s a way a man on OkCupid decided to start a conversation with me…
He’s not even here.
My brain is a fucking idiot.
Me: “I am stronger than this.”
Anxiety: “You’re really not.”
Me: “Hey, fuck you, fuckface, I AM SO! You can’t tell me shit!”
Ah, the perks of being anxious but belligerent.