Kermit Kismet

About an hour ago I sent a guy a first OkCupid message, and this is one of those times I feel like, if he doesn’t write back, he’s just screwing up the natural order of things.

Like, “Hi. You’re cute, and your profile pic is you with a Kermit on your shoulder. We have to at least be friends. Like, NOW. Write me back before some ‘Butterfly Effect’ shit happens.”

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Inspira-SHUN the Non-Believers! Shuuunnn!

So, tonight I attended a gathering of female entrepreneurs, and someone flagged my negative self-talk and offered me an affirmation card.

OK, shut up, assholes — I rolled my eyes, too. BUT. Picking a card at random, check out this prescient motherfucker right here.

I’m about to pay for EXTRA therapy for my past nonsense, but this card’s all, “Naw, girl, I got you.”