Quotable WordPorn

As seen on the WordPorn Facebook page:

I have wine, and the moon is right outside. Now, about that kissing…

Quotable Tao

“I feel like I’d excel at therapy. All that lying down on big leather couches and complaining about the perceived wrongs in my life? That is SO in my wheelhouse. Plus, with the possible end result of having mood-altering pharmaceuticals prescribed? Yes!”
— Jen Lancaster, The Tao of Martha

Inspired by @Midnight…

The Olive Lady-Garden.

TGIFuckMe’s.

Bobby’s Blowjob Palace.

Red Throbbin’. (Yummmm!)

Red Throbster.

Au Bon Pain and Pleasure.

Hard Cock Cafe.

#SexyRestaurants

Inspired by this @Midnight segment.

In which modern slang ruins relationships

Honest breakup reasons…

“Because I haven’t been able to look at you the same way since that time you said ‘cray-cray.'”

“It’s not you. Oh, wait. It IS you.”

Honest breakup reasons…

“Because the only thing we have in common is binge eating.”

Well played, Cupid. Well played.

I might be in love with one of my OkCupid matches.

No, I haven’t talked to him — don’t be ridiculous. Talking to men is where things always go wrong. I’m just going to daydream.

Motherfuckin’ Mona Lisa in this business

Someone at work just told me I hide my stress well. This is good, because I’ve been told throughout my adult life that I have an inordinately expressive demeanor when it comes to irritation, anger, nervousness, lust, and love. So at least I’m enigmatic when my brain is all twisty.

Um…bonus?

The people in my (mental) neighborhood

I don’t think you’d expect to find a quote from Mr. Rogers on this page. And yet…

“There’s no ‘should’ or ‘should not’ when it comes to having feelings. They’re part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings.”

Via Mental Floss: 20 Gentle Quotations from Mr. Rogers.

“Kids won’t walk past my place, they will RUN!”

Pulling myself out of a weird funk. This helped, as it always does, in part because Chandler went on to participate in one of the all-time greatest TV marriage proposals. (My undying love for Monica & Richard notwithstanding.)

Pixar Prozac

Email to a friend while finally watching Wall-E:

“A big aircraft just fucked up Wall-E’s wasteland, and he was scared and sad-eyed under rubble, and I may have felt terrible for him and started to cry, and now Girl Wall-E just landed. I might not be able to handle this movie while on a hormonal ‘I’m gonna die alone and sexless’ bender.”

I sent the disc back to Netflix and will be replacing it with Despicable Me 2. Minions don’t require romance, only shenanigans. (I promise to try Wall-E again some day.)

But I can’t be the only person who thinks that, in a certain state of mind, Pixar movies could easily lead you down a severe depression rabbit hole. I’m definitely not the only person I know who wanted to jump off a building after watching Up!, and that was when I was in a happy relationship. And Jesus Christ, the first 10 minutes of Finding Nemo, I was on the floor in tears.

Pixar movies should come with Prozac. Best tie-in ever, even better than the free-refills vat of soda my theater offered with the purchase of a Hunger Gamescollectible cup.