Letting my fat flag fly

Perhaps I’m a little too irritable to start an audiobook about the connection between obesity and clutter…

Also, I swear it’s a joke — I know we already have QUITE enough bloated, size-queeny, too-fat-to-function patriotism.

Advertisements

Oh. Well, fuck you, too, Victoria’s Secret.

Oh, OK, cool, ‘cause my fat ass needed to save some money not shopping your bullshit, anyway, you word-misusing jagoff fuckface. (Even putting aside this topic, dude sounds like a complete tool.)

Via Jezebel: Victoria’s Secret Doesn’t Want Plus Size or Trans Women Walking the Runway

Let’s do this, Gilbert Grape’s mom.

Finally remembered to weigh myself “first thing in the morning after I pee but before I drink anything, because that’s my TRUE weight,” and…FUCK, now I gotta jump out the window.

It’s fine. Now I have my baseline to try to LOSE some weight. My fat, fat baseline… 🙄

Why…ARE people?

I was in a perfectly fine mood this morning after seeing many sweatered dogs at the farmers market. Dogs in sweaters are, like, bonus Paxil.

But then I spent 2 hours with my family, and got a few texts about work, and now I’m in bed with a blanket over my head and earplugs to block out any outside noise that may infiltrate my fragile senses.

Apparently even though the Pill stops my actual period, it doesn’t do much for PMS with a side of family and stress.

Anyone got any crack?

That’d be the WORST gingerbread cookie…

In a list of his favorite comedians, a man on Match writes, “Louis CK (don’t care).”

Oh, OK, cool, thanks for saving me time thinking you might NOT be garbage.

My profile says something like, “I used to love Louis CK but now I can only see him as a creepy ginger jerking off.”

Jon NON Jovi

Um…guys?

🙋🏻‍♀️

This is the autogenerated tweet Twitter suggested to celebrate my 50th follower.

Ahem…

A. Even this TWEET doesn’t give a fuck about 50, only its progress toward 100.

B. Twitter, have y’all just never HEARD “Livin’ on a Prayer?”

C. This…isn’t even grammar.