Fun with hypocrisy.

I’m not gonna lie, I would LOVE to see Jennifer Lawrence naked. I have such a huge lady boner for her. But… I don’t want to see her naked unless she wants me to (which I hope she does some day).

Via Playboy: Jennifer Lawrence Is Not a Thing to Be Passed AroundIMG_1358.JPGThis is an irritating realization, because I definitely searched (unsuccessfully) for photos of Anthony Weiner’s penis, and have absolutely looked more than once at that Tumblr page dedicated to Jon Hamm’s penis bulge (which I refer to affectionately as “Hamm-shank”). And frankly, if HIS phone had been hacked, I’d have an incredibly hard — engorged…swollen…turgid…tumescent… AHEM — time not looking at those photos. (UNF.)

Goddammit. Now I have to reexamine my principles. I only have, like, six of them. I’m going to be so pissed if I have to develop another.

“Oh, I wish I were an Anthony Weiner…”

Oh, whatever, I’ll say it: I would bang the hell out of Anthony Weiner. I totally want to see his penis. He can text photos of it to me any time.

Oh. Vote for him? Hmm… Will he let me worship his penis after? Right-o! Bring it, sex biscuit — UNF! (Don’t judge, I don’t live in NY, and no one that hot ever fucked up that hard — hee — in my state. My libido has not yet been a factor in the democratic process.)

Also, c’mon, pundits, really? Did you seriously say these things in the 10 minutes of coverage I watched?

— “He let that statement hang out there for a while.”

— “He’s getting off on the power.” (Did you really just blame this on fucking dopamine?!)

— “He made some full-blown mistakes.”

— “Just a taste of it, it’s a slippery slope.”

— “There’s something about this kind of scandal that gets most people up.”

God, this is great. Keep it coming! (Hey-o!)

Hee hee. “Pixelated penis picture.” Ha!

Amaze-balls. Literally. Hee.